Thursday evening, a girl with oddly specific titles for her Spotify playlist, 18, was named the prime suspect in a 2019 murder of four that took place in Los Angeles. … Read More
This morning, in a leaked email directed at the Screen Actor’s Guild, Scotland prime minister Nicola Sturgeon revealed her frustration with “another Hollywood cliche gone too far,” that is, bagpipes. … Read More
January 20, 2021 will go down as one of the most important days in American history. An event so historic, so significant, that our kids will be reading about it … Read More
This week, our London reporters have come across a troubling report. U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the 2020 world’s sexiest man, has quit his job in Parliament in favor of … Read More
Lester Bumpkins, a recently-divorced watchmaker from Missouri, rarely makes mistakes. This past Monday, however, Bumpkins mistakenly downloaded TikTok, assuming it was a dating app for fellow watchmakers. “I was hoping … Read More
A man by the name of Eugene Stinkelberg has declared war on women. In an exclusive Rutabaga interview, Stinkelberg said “I think that this generation of women is comprised solely … Read More
Springfield, IL — Gary Fleming, 37, hurls Libertarian propaganda at passersby.
Last Monday, ninth grade student Little Fletcher had to be rushed to the hospital after an accident involving him and his nail clippers. The accident occured during his honors Biology … Read More
A local idiot applying for a job mistakenly told the hiring manager that he “puts in 110% effort into everything,” prompting the manager to shred his resumé on the spot. … Read More
According to numerous sources within the school’s administration, the Monsters University’s undergraduate college will not be requiring students to submit ACT or SAT scores for the 2020-2021 admissions cycle.