The Rutabaga gained access to a classified document on October 30 containing MoCoSnow creator Alex Tsironis’ plan to make fake snow in an attempt to try and keep his app relevant during online school.
As many students have predicted, snow days have come to an end with the beginning of online school. He knows that, without snow days, his app is obsolete, and, as a result, his entire existence is unnecessary. As frustrated as students are that snow days will be extinct, Tsironis is much angrier.
“I’m so sad,” Tsironis said. “Everything I’ve ever worked for is gone.”
At first, our staff and legal department questioned how he would pull his plan off considering that snow outside has no effect on a student’s ability to get to their workstation. However, we hadn’t uncovered the true message.
Written in invisible ink, Tsironis’ message said he’d make copies of everyone’s house keys in the entire county, sneak into student’s bedrooms at night, and install miniature snow blowers in ceiling fans in order to bring back snow days.
“This plan is f*cking crazy,” said an anonymous parakeet. “Just crazy enough that it might work.”
Despite the undeniable insanity of Tsirinos’ plan, as a community, we have to give credit where credit’s due. It’s a genius plan and it’s clear he put a lot of time and effort into it.
Just when our investigative staff was about to reach Tsironis for a comment this morning, he went missing. Montgomery County Police have been on the lookout for Tsironis for the past several days but haven’t tracked him down.
Rumors circulating claim that Tsirinos is hiding in an underground lair similar to Bruce Wayne’s. Law enforcement officials have since tried to dispel these rumors to little avail.
“No, that’s not right,” Police Chief Alfred Von Chemotherapy said. “If he did that, we’d never find him.” He winked after his comment.
That being said, thousands of families could lose their homes if he’s not found soon. Please contact us and local police if you have any tips regarding his whereabouts or if you see any snow falling.