Breaking: Man is angry at women because women are not interested in him

A man by the name of Eugene Stinkelberg has declared war on women. In an exclusive Rutabaga interview, Stinkelberg said “I think that this generation of women is comprised solely of entitled wh*res.”

Stinkelberg, the vice president of far-right conspiracy group Women Aren’t People (WAP, for short) believes that all women in the world are “created by the government of Puerto Rico with the primary goal of making good men suffer.”

Stinkelberg also discussed the possibility of undergoing plastic surgery in order to “look like Lightning McQueen because that’s what women want.”

Although the sex appeal of Lightning McQueen is undeniable, Stinkelberg’s antics have come into question. He proudly brags about his tendency to “intensely stare at women in public and threaten them with a pocket knife” in order to get them to go home with him.

We interviewed Eugene’s mother, Patricia Stinkelberg, for insight on his strange behavior.

“Eugene has always been a very creative young man,” she said. “That’s why he still lives at home with me; ever since his father left it has been difficult to control his unique expressiveness.”

Patricia also referred to her son, who has recently been charged with 47 counts of assault and sexual misconduct, as a “special snowflake.”

In his final comments, Stinkelberg said, “if more female humanoids were to sleep with me, I might be open to the idea of women voting.”

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