SGA Solves the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

The Whitman SGA has made waves internationally after solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict last week.

In typical SGA fashion, they have sparked monumental change on a global scale after proposing a revolutionary seven state solution that ended all conflict between the former nations of Israel and Palestine.

Apparently, by further splitting the region into seven sovereign nations, the SGA was able to generate enough confusion that an immediate peace was accomplished. Our surveys showed that a whopping 98% of individuals on either side of this formerly two sided crisis have elected to stay home and watch The Office instead of attempting the mental gymnastics now necessary to figure out who is on what side.

After the implementation of Post-POCO, a post post homecoming event to “increase school spirit,” became an absolutely rousing success among the student body, ending a 70 year long international conflict was light work for the SGA.

Rumors have been circulating that the incredibly effective and proactive SGA now has plans to end hostilities between North and South Korea by hosting a “demilitarized dine out night” at Mama Lucia’s Pizzeria in Bethesda.

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