Save the Date: Senior Tar and Feathering in the Whitman Parking Lot

Save the date! April 8th is now public tar and feathering day in the Whitman parking lot for any senior who doesn’t get into an Ivy League school.

Due to newly imposed social distancing requirements in response to the Delta variant, students were worried that this time-honored Whitman tradition would be canceled. However, in an email sent out this week, Dr. Dodd confirmed the date, saying that any student who doesn’t get into an Ivy League school is “honestly kind of a moron” and deserves “some form of public humiliation.” We at The Rutabaga couldn’t agree more: If you can’t get into an Ivy, you are dumb, sorry not sorry.

This news comes in the wake of last week’s administrative decision to stop counselors from helping students with their college admissions process if they plan to attend a state school. We sat down with guidance counselor William Toth to ask about the reasoning behind this decision.

“Why should we waste our time helping dummies,” Toth said. “And you know what else? If you’re too ‘poor’ to attend an Ivy, just get a scholarship — it’s not that hard.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *