This morning, I saw a headline that Amazon CEO and total hottie Jeff Bezos said he would give away most of his massive fortune during his lifetime, and I immediately got to work.
Now, while he said in the initial statement that he promised to give it to “charity” to “unify humanity” and bridge the “social divide,” I knew that something was up because Jeff would never promise such an outlandish thing. Of course, I was right.
After hopping on a quick call with his financial team, they Venmo’d me 124.1 billion dollars to my account (kinda random) and told me that I “deserved it more than those stinky charities.”
In their words (not mine), they said that I was “doing so much to help my community and my generosity should not go unnoticed.” That was weird because I literally had never met Jeff Bezos or anyone from his team.
Anyways, I’m still thinking about how I should spend my money. First things first, I really should pay for my AP exams.