It’s time to stop listening to music and go to therapy

Today’s release of Spotify Wrapped comes with every person on Instagram posting their statistics of their most listened to artists. The music that people listen to makes it clear that most of my peers have never felt love or happiness. I’m here to recommend a quick and easy solution: Therapy.

Do you know what feels better than being in the 0.001% of top listeners of your favorite artist? Finally healing that trauma you’ve been carrying since you were a little kid.

Instead of openly enjoying bands such as Radiohead or The Smiths, look inward and think about why you’ve always been unable to form lasting relationships with others.

If you wear a badge of pride from being a Phoebe Bridgers listener, talk to a psychiatrist. Immediately.

Now, everyone is allowed to enjoy the music that makes them feel a little less alone in the world. My sincere recommendations only come because you’ve willingly shown your entire following how much of a mess you are. Please, for the sake of everyone around you who has to listen to why your music taste is better than everyone else’s: get help.

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