Senior Stunner superlative canceled due to “abnormally ugly senior class”

The senior superlative nominations are out and it has Whitman’s entire senior class buzzing. But, everyone has realized that an important part of the superlatives went missing: the “senior stunner” award, or commonly referred to as the “senior hottie.”

With Whitman students’ best interest at mind, the Rutabaga went to interview SAGA, the student-led yearbook committee, to get the scoop on why the beloved superlative has disappeared.

“There just weren’t enough hot people for the seniors to nominate,” said a SAGA staff member. “It’s almost like we have an abnormally ugly senior class.”

To test this theory on ugliness, we conducted some very important research. First, we had judges from America’s Next Top Model come and rate every senior on a scale of 1-10. Second, we compared those scores to scores of other senior classes across the United States.

“The verdict is in,” said our data scientist. “We have evidence to believe that this senior class is statistically uglier compared to those across the country.”

Well, here’s to a college glow-up.

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