Felicity Huffman adopted me before the SAT and I still failed

Last Sunday, I couldn’t have been more happy. I had just been adopted by Felicity Huffman — the multi millionaire actress who paid for someone to fix her daughter’s SAT scores.

I was so excited for the life that my Mom and I could live together. We could go get ice cream, tell each other secrets, all the things mothers and sons do. But I was especially comforted that — in the height of SAT season — she would help me get through the stress of the most important test of my life.

This Wednesday, when I went to school for the SAT, I walked in and got my own private room, thanks to mom’s friendliness with the proctors.
In my 15 hours extended time, (thanks to my 100% authentic ADHD) all I could think about was how grateful I was to be Felicity Huffman’s son. I wonder what she’ll buy me for my birthday!

I had so much fun during the exam. I got to play around with ChatGPT and plug cool little symbols into my graphic calculator. Instead of reading and writing like a poor person, I had my proctor read the little stories to me. As the proctor answered the questions for me, they joked that for part of the test, I had to fill in the little bubbles on the paper.

I left that day feeling excited to see my 1600 waiting for me. Yet when the scores came in the mail, and I saw that 400, I couldn’t help but wonder what my score would be if I took the same test as everyone else.

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