Excellence in Media Since 3 B.C.
The Whitman varsity football team hasn’t won a single game this school year. Their total point deficit is 21 to 234. Despite the team’s 0–5 record, a highly persuasive group … Read More
Over the weekend, a request from Delta Airlines was sent to both chambers of Congress to rename the Delta strain of COVID-19 to the “Southwest variant.” “Here at Delta, we … Read More
Save the date! April 8th is now public tar and feathering day in the Whitman parking lot for any senior who doesn’t get into an Ivy League school. Due to … Read More
The Whitman SGA has made waves internationally after solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict last week. In typical SGA fashion, they have sparked monumental change on a global scale after proposing a … Read More
Thursday evening, a girl with oddly specific titles for her Spotify playlist, 18, was named the prime suspect in a 2019 murder of four that took place in Los Angeles. … Read More
This morning, in a leaked email directed at the Screen Actor’s Guild, Scotland prime minister Nicola Sturgeon revealed her frustration with “another Hollywood cliche gone too far,” that is, bagpipes. … Read More
January 20, 2021 will go down as one of the most important days in American history. An event so historic, so significant, that our kids will be reading about it … Read More
This week, our London reporters have come across a troubling report. U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the 2020 world’s sexiest man, has quit his job in Parliament in favor of … Read More
Lester Bumpkins, a recently-divorced watchmaker from Missouri, rarely makes mistakes. This past Monday, however, Bumpkins mistakenly downloaded TikTok, assuming it was a dating app for fellow watchmakers. “I was hoping … Read More
A man by the name of Eugene Stinkelberg has declared war on women. In an exclusive Rutabaga interview, Stinkelberg said “I think that this generation of women is comprised solely … Read More
