{"id":116,"date":"2021-04-15T22:20:00","date_gmt":"2021-04-15T22:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/?p=116"},"modified":"2026-04-04T22:21:54","modified_gmt":"2026-04-04T22:21:54","slug":"how-to-find-a-jews-space-laser","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/?p=116","title":{"rendered":"How to find a Jew\u2019s space laser"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Rep. Majorie Taylor Greene is one of the last true American patriots.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, she <a href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20250815214818\/https:\/\/www.businessinsider.com\/video-marjorie-taylor-greene-harass-parkland-survivor-david-hogg-2021-1\">exposed<\/a> the Parkland \u201cvictims\u201d for the fame-crazed trained sheep they are. Then our petite, cross-fitted Rush Limbaugh <a href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20250815214818\/https:\/\/twitter.com\/mtgreenee\/status\/1377614474862006279?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1377697720920649739%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es4_&amp;ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fslate.com%2Fnews-and-politics%2F2021%2F04%2Fmarjorie-taylor-greene-workout-video.html\">showed<\/a> all the haters how to make a pull-up look like a dolphin having seizure. Now it\u2019s up to us, the American people, to pull our end of the bargain and help Greene find the Jews\u2019 illusive space lasers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is going to be a tall task. A revolution doesn\u2019t happen overnight. However, if we use some good old-fashioned chutzpah, the Jews won\u2019t stand a chance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Storm a Jew Church:<\/strong> Like what are those things?! Seriously! I don\u2019t know what goes on in there, but it seems pretty<em> space lasery <\/em>to me. Show up with some of your most American, freedom-loving friends and storm the hell out of a Bar Mitzvah.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Learn their language:<\/strong> Have you ever seen a Jew pray? Exactly. God speaks American, not Jew tongue. They are clearly using their magic Israel language to communicate with each other about the lasers.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Don\u2019t use antisemitism:<\/strong> Hey, this has nothing to do with harming Jews based on the fact that they are Jewish. Our objective is to find some space lasers. Jews just so happen to be the masterminds who are secretly controlling the world behind the scenes. It\u2019s <strong>not<\/strong> antisemitic. Therefore, we need to spread the word that Jews have space lasers in order to avoid coming across as antisemitic.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>To conclude, Israel. Is real. The illuminati <em>is real<\/em>\u2026 Take that, Obama.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rep. Majorie Taylor Greene is one of the last true American patriots. First, she exposed the Parkland \u201cvictims\u201d for the fame-crazed trained sheep they are. Then our petite, cross-fitted Rush Limbaugh showed all the haters how to make a pull-up look like a dolphin having seizure. Now it\u2019s up to us, the American people, to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":117,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feature"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=116"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":118,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions\/118"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/117"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}