This week, our London reporters have come across a troubling report. U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the 2020 world\u2019s sexiest man, has quit his job in Parliament in favor of starting a porridge distribution company.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His business, Prime and Plump Porridge, purchases porridge from the grocery store and upsells it for $25\/ounce to homeless London residents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m proud of what we\u2019re doing at Prime and Plump,\u201d Johnson told The Rutabaga in an exclusive interview. \u201cPorridge is truly such a wonderful food\u2014I wish everyone in the world could eat it for every meal!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson\u2019s company, after only existing for a few days, has attracted a \u201cmob\u201d of support from the London homeless community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHomeless people make me feel at home,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cIt\u2019s so refreshing to see people that look like me hanging out on the streets.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One homeless man, Nigel \u201cFish and Chips\u201d Cumberbatch, had some shocking thoughts on the porridge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis porridge tastes bloody awful,\u201d Cumberbatch said. \u201cBoris said the secret ingredient is his armpit sweat, but we both know it\u2019s really his fourteen-inch nose hairs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson\u2019s business partner, Rupert Quembelsquash, refused to comment on this ingredient. However, he did provide us with an excellent tour of the headquarters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe like to add a little bit of radioactive waste to our porridge to, you know, give it that extra spice,\u201d he told us. \u201cWe also make sure to include lots of cocaine so the bums keep coming back.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s safe to say that this porridge is not safe for consuming, but after trying it, the entire staff of The Rutabaga came back for seconds, and later thirds. Each of our teeth and nails have dissolved completely and our skin now glows orange. It has this taste that simply can\u2019t be replicated. Go to borisporridge.com to order your porridge today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This week, our London reporters have come across a troubling report. U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the 2020 world\u2019s sexiest man, has quit his job in Parliament in favor of starting a porridge distribution company. His business, Prime and Plump Porridge, purchases porridge from the grocery store and upsells it for $25\/ounce to homeless London […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":165,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-164","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=164"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":166,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164\/revisions\/166"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/165"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=164"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=164"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=164"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}