Yesterday in a blockbuster announcement email to the Whitman community, Mr. Miller outlined an ambitious plan for the school\u2019s future. \u201cEffective next school year, all of the fourth-floor math classes will be transformed into casinos,\u201d he said in the email. \u201cWe will have poker tables, slot machines, and of course, sports betting.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a separate statement to the community explaining his decision, Mr. Miller wrote, \u201cWe know students have been gambling on their phones at frankly degenerate rates, but we also know that we have no ability to stop them, so we\u2019ve decided to meet students halfway. We hope this change will get kids back into our schools. Gambling will also become an acceptable excuse for missing class, but parents will be notified when their student blows their allowance on a high school football game in Minnesota.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Miller denied repeated requests for comment. When The Rutabaga\u2019s all-star reporting team asked him about the financial impact this move could have on students, he turned around and started sprinting the other way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a follow-up email to teachers, Miller notified the math department that they were all expected to stop teaching and switch to facilitating the casino.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a statement to The Rutabaga, math teacher Mrs. Holloway said she was happy with the change. \u201cI hate kids anyway so it brings me so much joy when they lose $10,000 betting on the juniors to win Battle of the Classes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Math teacher Ms. Hunt expressed her excitement about the change. \u201cDay in and day out I\u2019m teaching kids things that don\u2019t matter. Geometry? Who cares? Algebra? More like algeboring! But with the casino, students are actually using math in real life!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some are unhappy with the change though. As a self-professed, degenerate gambler, Luce Mo\u2019ne said in a statement to The Black and White, \u201cWhat\u2019s the fun of losing a hundred thousand dollars a week if you don\u2019t have to hide your habits from everybody? Without the thrill of hiding, all that\u2019s left is the crippling debt.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In an effort to get parents on board with the change, Miller told the community yesterday that the revenue from the casino will go to his own pockets. Parents surveyed by The Rutabaga were split on the concept. \u201cAt least this way I get notified when my child blows his college savings on North Korean U12 badminton,\u201d said Whitman parent Ben Dover.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday in a blockbuster announcement email to the Whitman community, Mr. Miller outlined an ambitious plan for the school\u2019s future. \u201cEffective next school year, all of the fourth-floor math classes will be transformed into casinos,\u201d he said in the email. \u201cWe will have poker tables, slot machines, and of course, sports betting.\u201d In a separate […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":21,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=24"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24\/revisions\/25"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=24"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=24"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=24"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}