Winter time marks the era of stress, depression, and just generally feeling like absolute shit. Well, instead of your other numerous attempts to get therapy, manage your schedule, or seek help from a teacher, we\u2019re here to tell you the most successful thing you can do: take your computer, sign out of Canvas, cut ties with your annoying therapist, and throw your computer in the nearest body of water you can find. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are numerous benefits to throwing your computer into a polluted body of water where it will fizzle into oblivion. First of all, it\u2019s not THAT bad for the environment. If anything, you\u2019re giving a fish a new computer so it can watch TV and stuff. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Second, it\u2019s a perfect way to \u201caccidentally\u201d break and\/or lose your computer. When you tell your teacher that you can\u2019t complete your homework because you lost your computer, they can\u2019t tell you to \u201cretrace your steps.\u201d If I \u201cretraced my steps,\u201d I would end up somewhere near the Potomac River where I angrily chucked my MacBook at an innocent ecosystem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, Mr. Derenberger, please stop telling me I have to \u201csubmit\u201d my \u201clatest essay\u201d or else \u201cI\u2019ll fail\u201d your class. None of those words existed before you said them and I don\u2019t believe you even know how to write an essay. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Winter time marks the era of stress, depression, and just generally feeling like absolute shit. Well, instead of your other numerous attempts to get therapy, manage your schedule, or seek help from a teacher, we\u2019re here to tell you the most successful thing you can do: take your computer, sign out of Canvas, cut ties […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":58,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-57","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=57"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":59,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57\/revisions\/59"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/58"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=57"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=57"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therutabaga.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=57"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}