Dear UChicago Office of Admissions,
I feel like everyone is getting college emails these days, and it’s perfectly normal to get as many as five or more a day. So I wouldn’t complain about that, except recently, the emails sent to me have started getting kind of… weird. I don’t know why you bother with me because you’re a good school and it’s not like I’m that good a student, but you won’t stop sending me stuff! The emails started a few months ago, and I wasn’t that concerned, but now there’s emails every day, and now my inbox gets a notification as many as 16 times a day! Snail mail all the time too! Almost every day when I go into my house after school there’s a new book-sized pamphlet. I’m starting to dread going home!
The worst part of all this isn’t even the quantity of advertising, it’s what you say. I know college emails can get kind of random, but this is on another level. I get emails with all sorts of invasive questions like “When was the last time you cried?” and “Do you feel comfortable in your relationships?” The other day I got a postcard that said “Hot girls like you deserve to go to UChick-ago.” What???? I’m starting to get really freaked out! I tried clicking “unsubscribe” but nothing has changed—the emails keep coming! I’m really overwhelmed — I don’t know how to tell them I don’t want their creepy advertisements. Please help!
Yours truly,
Scared Sophomore
Dear [Insert Name],
You could be the next UChicagoan. Visit UChicago today with the link below!
Sincerely,
UChicago Office of Admissions
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