Rename Chess Club “The Chastity Club”?
A gambit in chess is when you sacrifice a piece in exchange for favorable positioning. As it turns out, joining Chess Club is the real gambit: You lose the ability … Read More
whitmanbarstool: the new face of feminism?
The Instagram account whitmanbarstool has done what all other Whitman affiliated pages are too scared to do, redefined feminism. They have taken it upon themselves to be the allies and … Read More
Rutabaga message to Vladimir Putin
Vladyyy stoooooop. Ms.Eagan is upset with you. -The Rutabaga
Dr.Dodd found principaling other school
The Rutabaga has recently obtained shocking evidence of Dr. Dodd principaling with a different High School. Suspicion arose regarding Dr. Dodds extraprincipal activity after students noticed that neither Doddy nor … Read More
Why the cafeteria should start serving only milk
This year many students pointed out the obvious shortcomings of the cafeteria. You may be asking yourself, “what are these shortcomings?” Possibly failing a health and safety inspection? No. The … Read More
Get off your high horse Europe
It’s pretty common knowledge that Europe sucks. They have presidents that marry their teachers, chancellors who flirt with married American DILFS (Obama) and prime ministers that look like Gromit if … Read More
Santa’s Elves Sue For Better Working Conditions
“St.Nick”, “Kris Kringle”, “Father Christmas” are all nicknames for the man who makes it all happen. Most people see Santa as a jolly fellow who brings gifts to everyone but … Read More
Community question: Is anyone else getting weird emails from a lady named “Anne Hutchens”?
To preface, I’m currently a senior at Whitman who prides myself on my academic success, outstanding mental health and large social circle. Recently, however, my school email has been flooded … Read More
Voluptuous straight men fed up with constant objectification
In our modern “woke” culture, there’s one group whose struggle seems to have been completely ignored — thick straight men. As a result, members of the community say that people … Read More
Breaking: MCPS Board of Education requests Wootton to change name of school to Lootton because they ‘take too many Ls’
In the wake of Whitman wins again Wootton in both the girl’s varsity soccer regional championship and the handball county championship — just hours apart — the MCPS Board of … Read More