The Rutabaga has conducted a census of all two thousand Whitman students with questions about their stress levels and their…
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Graduation Moved to the Long Lost City of Atlantis
In a series of community emails over the weekend, the Whitman Administration announced that they moved the 2025 graduation to…
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Administration to Force Tardy Students to Compete in Wipeout Course For Late Passes.
Construction started yesterday in the baseball field on a Wipeout-style obstacle course that sources confirmed to the Rutabaga will serve…
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Whitman admin to suspend vape detector program after tariffs on North Korea cause price to rise.
In an email to the Whitman community last week, Whitman principal Gregory Miller notified students that vape detectors would be…
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New Casino to Replace Math Classrooms: School Gambling Legalized
Yesterday in a blockbuster announcement email to the Whitman community, Mr. Miller outlined an ambitious plan for the school’s future.…
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Chand Amerasinghe wakes up late amid promises to “lock in,” blaming a faulty alarm clock
Senior Chand Amerasinghe (better known as “Chand America”) came to school four hours late last Wednesday despite promises to raise…
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Democracy toppled: Volume 63 of the B&W has taken over
On April 1st, the old, defunct Volume 62 of the Black & White ended. In its place comes the cool,…
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“She’s 34… it’s time to start a family!” – Education Professional Mr. Gohn addresses the elephant in the room that is Taylor Swift’s career and decaying womb
Cold, dark, empty, cavernous, abandoned – these are all adjectives that could be used to describe 34 year old pop…
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Aww, not you too! “Chester Cheetah” of Frito-Lay makes antisemitic comments
In some disappointing news, The Rutabaga has found that “Chester Cheetah,” best known for his appearances in Frito-Lay commercials and…
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Senior Stunner superlative canceled due to “abnormally ugly senior class”
The senior superlative nominations are out and it has Whitman’s entire senior class buzzing. But, everyone has realized that an…
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