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Flash News

Felicity Huffman adopted me before the SAT and I still failed

I disguised as AI so men would finally respect me

5 reasons why you shouldn’t claim to live in DC if you don’t live in DC

Aww, not you too! “Chester Cheetah” of Frito-Lay makes antisemitic comments

Six more weeks of winter? Yeah, right: Turns out Phil the Groundhog is a lying snake

Senior Stunner superlative canceled due to “abnormally ugly senior class”

Throwing my computer in a river: How I prioritized my mental health

Does wearing a jacket in the winter make you gay? These four teenage boys say yes

Alumni: Stop visiting your old high school

It’s time to stop listening to music and go to therapy

Monday, March 27, 2023

Category: News

Aww, not you too! “Chester Cheetah” of Frito-Lay makes antisemitic comments
Featured
News

Aww, not you too! “Chester Cheetah” of Frito-Lay makes antisemitic comments

Selener Gomez March 1, 2023

In some disappointing news, The Rutabaga has found that “Chester Cheetah,” best known for his appearances in Frito-Lay commercials and chip branding, has made several antisemitic comments in the past … Read More

Comment on Aww, not you too! “Chester Cheetah” of Frito-Lay makes antisemitic comments
Six more weeks of winter? Yeah, right: Turns out Phil the Groundhog is a lying snake
Featured
News

Six more weeks of winter? Yeah, right: Turns out Phil the Groundhog is a lying snake

Selener Gomez February 9, 2023

On Groundhog’s Day, the US —especially the East Coast — was disappointed to learn, according to a little groundhog, that we would be having six more weeks of winter instead … Read More

Comment on Six more weeks of winter? Yeah, right: Turns out Phil the Groundhog is a lying snake
Senior Stunner superlative canceled due to “abnormally ugly senior class”
Featured
News

Senior Stunner superlative canceled due to “abnormally ugly senior class”

Selener Gomez January 20, 2023

The senior superlative nominations are out and it has Whitman’s entire senior class buzzing. But, everyone has realized that an important part of the superlatives went missing: the “senior stunner” … Read More

Comment on Senior Stunner superlative canceled due to “abnormally ugly senior class”
Whitman seniors cancel Halloween: “Real life is scary enough”
News

Whitman seniors cancel Halloween: “Real life is scary enough”

Selener Gomez October 28, 2022

Halloween is approaching in only a few days, and you can feel the buzz in the halls of Whitman. October 31st marks a day of joy and Halloween festivities for … Read More

Comment on Whitman seniors cancel Halloween: “Real life is scary enough”
Concern grows for Whitman junior taking only one AP class
News

Concern grows for Whitman junior taking only one AP class

pionel pessi September 17, 2022

A Whitman junior is taking only one AP class — the scandal at the lips of every student, staff and parent.  Everyone has expressed their concern regarding the small workload … Read More

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News

Breaking news: Whitman administration facing deal with the devil, says insider

Selener Gomez September 2, 2022

It’s been the topic on every Whitman student and teacher’s minds: where are all the stricter rules coming from? Did a rock fall on someone’s head and get the pain … Read More

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Dr.Dodd found principaling other school
News

Dr.Dodd found principaling other school

Vince OfficeDepot February 3, 2022

The Rutabaga has recently obtained shocking evidence of Dr. Dodd principaling with a different High School. Suspicion arose regarding Dr. Dodds extraprincipal activity after students noticed that neither Doddy nor … Read More

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Santa’s Elves Sue For Better Working Conditions
News

Santa’s Elves Sue For Better Working Conditions

admin December 23, 2021

“St.Nick”, “Kris Kringle”, “Father Christmas” are all nicknames for the man who makes it all happen. Most people see Santa as a jolly fellow who brings gifts to everyone but … Read More

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Voluptuous straight men fed up with constant objectification
News

Voluptuous straight men fed up with constant objectification

Vince OfficeDepot November 5, 2021

In our modern “woke” culture, there’s one group whose struggle seems to have been completely ignored — thick straight men. As a result, members of the community say that people … Read More

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Hot girl summer has turned into hot when I pee fall :(
News

Hot girl summer has turned into hot when I pee fall :(

̴̑͜ ̴̠͛ ̵̣̅ ̴̧͒ ̷̛͈ ̴̝͊ October 28, 2021

This summer was monumental for hot girls all across the country. Depression rates were at an all-time low and Plan B sales were at an all-time high. Sadly, as of … Read More

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