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Flash News

Felicity Huffman adopted me before the SAT and I still failed

I disguised as AI so men would finally respect me

5 reasons why you shouldn’t claim to live in DC if you don’t live in DC

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Six more weeks of winter? Yeah, right: Turns out Phil the Groundhog is a lying snake

Senior Stunner superlative canceled due to “abnormally ugly senior class”

Throwing my computer in a river: How I prioritized my mental health

Does wearing a jacket in the winter make you gay? These four teenage boys say yes

Alumni: Stop visiting your old high school

It’s time to stop listening to music and go to therapy

Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Author: Bigoted Bigfoot

Deep Dive: Girl With Oddly Specific Spotify Playlists Names Connected to L.A. Murder of Four
News

Deep Dive: Girl With Oddly Specific Spotify Playlists Names Connected to L.A. Murder of Four

Bigoted Bigfoot March 5, 2021

Thursday evening, a girl with oddly specific titles for her Spotify playlist, 18, was named the prime suspect in a 2019 murder of four that took place in Los Angeles. … Read More

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Scotland PM: Bagpipes ‘Another Hollywood Cliche Gone Too Far’
News

Scotland PM: Bagpipes ‘Another Hollywood Cliche Gone Too Far’

Bigoted Bigfoot March 1, 2021

This morning, in a leaked email directed at the Screen Actor’s Guild, Scotland prime minister Nicola Sturgeon revealed her frustration with “another Hollywood cliche gone too far,” that is, bagpipes. … Read More

Comment on Scotland PM: Bagpipes ‘Another Hollywood Cliche Gone Too Far’
Opinion

Is it racist that Apple doesn’t have a rutabaga emoji? Here’s why we think it is

Bigoted Bigfoot January 25, 2021

Apple has many emojis. There’s my personal favorite, the hedgehog. There’s a cheeseburger. There’s even a kite. Seriously. So, imagine my reaction when I found out that the world’s favorite … Read More

Comment on Is it racist that Apple doesn’t have a rutabaga emoji? Here’s why we think it is
Bye Bye, Boris: Boris Johnson quits job as PM, now selling porridge to homeless people on the streets of London
News Politics

Bye Bye, Boris: Boris Johnson quits job as PM, now selling porridge to homeless people on the streets of London

Bigoted Bigfoot January 14, 2021

This week, our London reporters have come across a troubling report. U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the 2020 world’s sexiest man, has quit his job in Parliament in favor of … Read More

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Man confuses TikTok with watchmaker dating app, is ‘mildly entertained’
News

Man confuses TikTok with watchmaker dating app, is ‘mildly entertained’

Bigoted Bigfoot November 12, 2020

Lester Bumpkins, a recently-divorced watchmaker from Missouri, rarely makes mistakes. This past Monday, however, Bumpkins mistakenly downloaded TikTok, assuming it was a dating app for fellow watchmakers. “I was hoping … Read More

Comment on Man confuses TikTok with watchmaker dating app, is ‘mildly entertained’
Breaking: actual Libertarian man exists
Springfield, IL — Gary Fleming, 37, hurls Libertarian propaganda at passersby.
News Politics

Breaking: actual Libertarian man exists

Bigoted Bigfoot November 11, 2020

Springfield, IL — Gary Fleming, 37, hurls Libertarian propaganda at passersby.

Comment on Breaking: actual Libertarian man exists
Guess which character from The Office we hate the most
Opinion

Guess which character from The Office we hate the most

Bigoted Bigfoot October 30, 2020

Here’s the game: guess which character from America’s favorite mediocre sitcom we hate the most based on the following hints It’s not Jim He has an on-and-off, intimate relationship with … Read More

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Sources: Pres. Trump to fire Giuliani, hire Borat as personal counsel
Feature

Sources: Pres. Trump to fire Giuliani, hire Borat as personal counsel

Bigoted Bigfoot October 23, 2020

After exposing the latest Rudy Giuliani scandal, Borat certainly made a name for himself. Clearly, he made a big splash, because President Donald Trump will replace Giuliani with Borat himself. … Read More

Comment on Sources: Pres. Trump to fire Giuliani, hire Borat as personal counsel
Do Amish people still exist? The answer may surprise you
Feature

Do Amish people still exist? The answer may surprise you

Bigoted Bigfoot October 12, 2020

In recent months, Amish people have seemingly disappeared, leading many to speculate as to whether or not they actually exist or have existed. Surprisingly, as we’ve found through an extensive … Read More

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‘Absolutely horrifying’: The ten most hated squirrels of January-September 2020
Feature

‘Absolutely horrifying’: The ten most hated squirrels of January-September 2020

Bigoted Bigfoot October 9, 2020

There are some animals that just weren’t meant to exist. One of these animals, sent directly from Hell as a punishment for sinners, is the squirrel. The Rutabaga decided to … Read More

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