Best ways to subtly suggest that your friend should get a lobotomy

We’ve all been there. Your friend is having some issues and you need to convince them to get a sizable chunk of their brain removed. These conversations can be awkward, though, so here are some suggestions for you.

  1. “Hey buddy, the boys and I are getting lobotomies after school today. Wanna join?” This invitation would be more impossible to resist than a bruised banana on a wet Sunday evening. Making their lobotomy out to be an exclusive event would work flawlessly every time. The only downside is you’d probably have to get one, too.
  2. “Hey BRO, how’s your prefrontal cortex?” The aggressive use of the word “bro” here goes a long way because it emphasizes your fraternal connection. Drawing attention to the prefrontal cortex later in the question forces your friend to think about the part of his brain they need removed. It also sounds like you genuinely care how their cortex is doing. Overall, it’s a 10/10.
  3. Go to medical school and become a psychiatrist. During a FREE consultation with your friend, give your professional opinion that they need a lobotomy. This one’s a bit harder than the first two, but if you’re doing an appointment for free, they can’t ignore your godly advice. After all, you went to medical school and survived.
  4. “Dude, lobotomies are ALL the rage right now. I hear they’re making a real comeback.” Honestly, leveling with your friend and just informing them of the trending neurological procedures is the right thing to do, regardless of what your actual intent is. Always keep your buddies in the loop!
  5. Just do it yourself without permission. Now, this is one I have a small problem with. There are some good YouTube videos out there, yes. But, you really want to get this surgery right. It’s your friend, so get them the best surgeon out there.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *